“The Death reversal meaning is still about change, but that you have been resisting it. You could be worried about letting go of the past, or you could not be sure of the changes that you need to make to go forward. Resisting the change and holding onto the past can limit your future, which can cause you to feel like you are in limbo.”

- https://labyrinthos.co/blogs/tarot-card-meanings-list/death-meaning-major-arcana-tarot-card-meanings

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My family was never religious, but in ways, I still think I challenged certain societal limitations. The funny thing is, I remember having difficulty transitioning between my dad’s and my mum’s households. One roof was vastly different to the other, and I’d often treat them as two different homes.

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Part of me wonders whether I did this to deal with the stress of growing up as a child in education with a split household, as, when I REALLY think about it, I used both houses to benefit from in different ways. I feel as if I switched my activities such as academics, drawing and learning in one household, in order to rest in the other. Though, due to certain familial aspects, this routine would often flip around and convulse, to match the instability and confusion of my early identity.

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It didn’t necessarily mean that because I was slightly less sociable in one house that I didn’t want to spend time with one of my parents. Reflecting back on it, I got exhausted moving from each household, each atmosphere. Maybe that’s why I found solace in drawing and writing to express my feelings. It was a vehicle to aid me towards managing my happiness at both my mum’s and my dad’s. Eventually, each home felt as comfortable and valuable as the other.

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Both of my parents loved me in their own unique ways, and that – ultimately - was the value I found in the meaning of this card.